I'm not a princess, and my life is not a fairytale, I never really had a chance, no happy endings, no white horses (they dont exist, only grays).
I've been on my knees, begging for mercy, for forgiveness from my maker, not knowing if anyone was hearing me.
Now I just want peace... there is no longer a question of weather I am broken, you can see it in my eyes. I am already broken, and frantically pleading with God to put me back together again. I can not do it on my own.
A friend and brother in Christ shook me to my core last night. He said what was likely the only thing anyone could have said to me to break through my hardened heart... he said that he missed me... that from all of his painful years, that I was always there for him and sticking up for him, the only one that was... So after a 5 year absence in my life, he simply picked up, came to my house and made a pact with me to hold me accountable and that I would do the same thing to him... We will each sharpen ourselves against the other.
I hope he means it, because if he fails me in this, and I fail myself again, then I will be worse off than I have been... and I dont know how much farther I can fall and still be able to survive the impact.
Please pray for me...
I am walking into church tomorrow for the first time in a while without my parents... and praying that God will find me, forgive me, catch me, and keep me.
